Birthday Lessons
Today is my birthday (April 29th) and I feel great! I tell people that I feel better now than I did when I was in my 30’s. I know no one really believes it and that’s okay. Not only do I believe it, I know it's true. Things that used to carry so much weight and act as an anchor have freed themselves simply because I decided to evolve and change the way I look at things.
That doesn't mean that there aren’t situations that come up from time to time that are not what I prefer. This past year has seen a big circumstance that certainly wasn’t anything I would have hoped for or wanted to manifest into my life. But through my life experiences I know that what is most important is not what is occurring but how I am responding to what is happening.
The purpose of my Game Changing Journal is not to tell anyone how they should live or what they should desire. It is merely an outlet for me to share what I have learned over the years and how important an evolving mindset has become in my life.
All of which has allowed me to shift my paradigm and view life through a completely different lens. So, as I write this on my birthday, I wanted to share fourteen of the many life lessons I have learned, some of which proved to be so valuable in the past year.
Nothing is more important than choosing to feel good. When something negative happens I can either think bad thoughts or I can choose to think about things that I desire. Feeling good leads to more things to feel good about. Negative feelings lead to premature aging and all sorts of problems. Negative feelings are like mud in the garden hose of life. It stops the flow of positive energy. My motto has always been to never take it out on the coach so regardless of what is going on around me I choose to find the best feeling thought I can.
When something doesn’t feel right; it isn’t. I believe we all have an inner guidance system that like a GPS lets us know when we are going in the wrong direction. If a situation causes you to feel uneasy then get out of that situation as quickly as possible. I have learned from experience that waiting for things to change doesn’t work if you are not aligned with the situation.
It’s okay to remove people from your life if they are not aligned. Too often to be nice or not to hurt anyone’s feelings we tolerate and allow others to remain in our life experiences even though our Inner Being knows they are not a vibrational match for us. We make excuses and end up not trusting our intuition, which in the long run causes so much more damage than removing a person who doesn’t belong in your life.
If you are around a bullshitter long enough, you’re going to eventually get some shit on you. A bullshiter usually starts with things that don’t really matter to you. But if a person will bullshit about things that don’t matter to you then know that they will also bullshit about things that are important to you.
If a person lies about little things, then they will lie about bigger things. Along the same lines as the bullshitter, if a person lies about insignificant things, then know that they will also lie about things that matter. I learned this the hard way. The first time I met someone they lied to me about playing college basketball; an insignificant thing and I justified it by telling myself that they were just trying to impress me. But eventually the lies became more frequent and became very damaging.
It’s a red flag when people are too much too soon. Those who share too much too soon—and expect the same from you–often portray vulnerability and sensitivity, but it’s usually bullshit. The charade is intended to make you feel “special” for being let into their inner circle, but its true intention is to make you feel not just sorry for them but also responsible for their feelings. Then when things go wrong, they turn on you. These people are easy to recognize if you trust your intuitive self and when things feel off get away.
Watch for those who claim the role of the victim. For some people, nothing is ever their fault. No matter what they do—or fail to do —it’s someone else’s fault. Someone else made them do it—and, usually, it’s you. If you get mad or upset, it’s your fault for having unreasonable expectations; if they get mad, it’s your fault for upsetting them. If someone doesn’t take accountability for little things, you can be sure they won’t for bigger ones.
There will always be haters–especially the more you evolve. As life evolves and new desires form you are faced with a choice. Do you honor your desires or do you give into what others want you to be. It sounds simple but it’s not always so easy. It takes courage, thick skin, and persistence to follow your desires.
You never get it done. Since I “retired” from coaching I have gone through several paradigm shifts. Sometimes we think that once I get such and such then I will finally have what I want, and I will be happy. But life is about evolving. We are constantly infused with new desires. If new desires ever stop forming, then death is not too far away. At one time, I thought something was wrong when I would achieve something then before too long start thinking about something new that I wanted to do or achieve. But now I am grateful for these new desires because they represent my life force.
Experiences are more important than possessions. We spend so much time gathering things, a certain car, that special house, on and on it goes. I’ve come to realize that none of that really matters. It is life that matters. It is doing things and having experiences that feel good to me that matters.
Pleasure is so important. Because of our puritanical society pleasure has gotten such a bad rap. It is as if anything that feels good must be bad. Through our religions and society obligations we are taught that sacrifice is good, and pleasure is bad. I’ve come to realize that pleasure is paramount. My need for pleasure and freedom is of greatest importance. It is always my choice to honor my need for complete and total freedom and to make choices that bring me the most pleasure. I have come to realize that maybe those early hedonists like Aristippus and Epicurus had it figured out. Of course, I am not talking about overindulgence or addiction–none of that is pleasurable. But I have come to realize that doing things that feel good leads to a free flowing of positive energy and that leads to all sorts of good things be it physically, mentally, or spiritually.
It’s okay to be selfish when it comes to the way you feel. I’ve come to realize that everyone acts from a selfish place especially when they are judging another’s desires. When someone tells another what they should or should not do, they are doing so from a place of what they themselves want. I have learned that basing how I feel on what another person does or wants is a means of forever unhappiness. It is giving up my freedom and I can never make others happy all the time. It’s like the parents who base their happiness on their son doing what they want them to do. Then they finally get them under control, and he goes out and meets a girl and does the complete opposite of what he was doing. It never works.
You are not what you do. One of the most refreshing things about my many visits to France is that not once has anyone there asked what I did for a living. In the U.S. so much of a person’s self-worth is tied to their position of employment. Being in the coaching profession for as long as I was it was so evident how people tied their self-worth to their job. If they won, they felt great; if they lost, they did not. And it was so important how others saw them. I have learned that who I am is who my Inner Being knows that I am. I am here to feel good and lead a life full of fun experiences.
Food matters. Finally, I have come to realize that what I eat matters. There is no substitute for health. I trust my body and I try to give it what it needs. Processed foods full of chemicals are not what our bodies are designed to consume. Healthy, organic choices matter. I have been ridiculed over the years for not eating fast food or processed food. But the more I age the more I know the reward is worth putting up with any ridicule.
--Dan