Are We Creating a Fire-Retardant Generation?
It’s Game Changing to realize that you can learn from almost anyone, even those you may disagree with sometimes. When we close off people who we don’t always agree with we may miss some important lessons they may be able to teach us.
For example, I came across Scott Galloway’s blog No Mercy, No Malice. Galloway is an outspoken public speaker, academic, author, podcast host, and entrepreneur. He has conducted TedTalks and appeared on many talk shows including one of my favorites, Real Time with Bill Maher.
Galloway is also a clinical professor of marketing at the New York University Stern School of Business. In 2022, Galloway's weekly newsletter No Mercy/No Malice won the Webby Award for best Business, News and Technology Website.
He can come across as arrogant at times and a lot of what he talks and writes about is seen by many as controversial. There are things he says that I don’t always agree with, such as his advice “not to follow your passion, follow your talent instead,” suggesting that the most important thing is to figure out how to make money.
But I do agree whole heartily with one topic he is most vocal about and that is today’s culture is doing a poor job raising men primarily because of our fear of sexuality and the political correctness that now surrounds it.
Here is a summary of what Galloway says on his blog:
Sexual desire is fire.
Without this fire, our species goes out of business. Unfortunately, we’ve built a fire-retardant generation. Zoomers prefer staying home and scrolling to going out, and when they do venture out, they’re less likely to visit a bar, reducing the chances they’ll make a series of bad decisions that might pay off.
By the way, I believe the anti-alcohol movement is second only to remote work in the damage it’s doing to young people. The risk to a 25-year-old liver is dwarfed by the social isolation and loneliness epidemic plaguing America’s youth.
Think of the most important things in your life: who you decided to have sex with and the friends you still count on. Then ask, did alcohol lubricate the often-awkward formation and cementing of those bonds?
Despite the risk to our one and only real god, shareholder value, one-third of workers say they’ve had a workplace romance. This is verboten, but it shouldn’t be — work is a great place to find a mate.
The culture wars are another fire retardant.
Richard Reeves, the president of the American Institute for Boys and Men, recently told Vox that men know what not to do on a date — “don’t mansplain, don’t be toxic, don’t be a predator, don’t be a creep” --but they’re clueless about what to do on a date. We’ve pathologized the pursuit of sex (i.e., dating) and made porn the path of exponentially less resistance.
In news that won’t surprise anyone, dampening the fire that fuels casual sex, and dating has coincided with the rise in mental health issues.
More than half of single Americans say they’re not currently looking for a relationship or casual dates. Another study found the percentage of sexually inactive men ages 18 to 24 increased from 19% in 2002 to 31% in 2018; the percentage of sexually inactive young women increased from 15% to 19% over the same period.
I coach a number of young men. It’s unrealistic to tell them to abstain from porn. And there is evidence that porn consumption is fine in moderation.
The problem is losing the fire, the sexual desire that inspires you to be a better man: to have a plan for economic viability; to be fit; to demonstrate kindness, intelligence, and a willingness to take risks; to build resilience and develop the ability to express romantic interest while making someone feel safe.
The Enemy
We have companies with infinite resources and command of godlike technology all attempting to convince young men they can have a reasonable facsimile of life on a screen with an algorithm.
The most frightening data I’ve seen recently is that 51% of men aged 18 to 24 have never asked a woman out in person. I find this so fucking depressing.
Romantic comedies are two hours, not 15 minutes, for a reason. Relationships and mating are hard and worth it. Men need to recognize there’s a profit motive in dampening the flames of desire and motivation to become better men.
In sum, as I said on Bill Maher’s show: Young men need to get out of the house, take risks, and demonstrate excellence so they can make their own bad porn.
Life is so rich,
Scott Galloway
